I’m finally forcing myself to find time to take CRR Global Organization and Relationship System Coaching training program. Beyond Emotional Intelligence (relationship with oneself), and Social Intelligence (relationship with other) lies Relationship Systems Intelligence where the focus is on the entire group, team or system.
This is a five course program and I already took the first ORS@Work course and the Intelligence course. Then I took ORSC Geography (Three-day course provides a robust toolkit for how to recognize and nurture the structures of relationships.)
I said forcing myself early this in post but let me explain. I’m lucky in that many Agilists have attended this program and I’ve benefited from their shares at conferences and other trainings. As a result, I’m pretty familiar with a good portion of the course program, which always made the investment in time difficult to balance. However, 2019 was the year for me to cut back on conferences, thus a perfect time to work in this training.
Overall, the experience was positive.
What I enjoyed the most:
- Putting words to my last post about intelligence course. One of the things I disliked was that I called to attention “I am different in these trainings.” Now I have vocabulary to highlight that I do intentional have secret roles (hidden intentionally – as well as I’m sure secret even to me). This was wonderful in the sense that I really could embrace the reactions of the individuals and the system because this was a result of my choice.
- Really enjoyed the outer role issues. Conflict can still happen even with a clear “RACI” chart (who does what, etc). Two of the issues were obvious (role confusion – who is doing what & poorly occupied roles – not doing the role well). But the one that really struck me that I had not given enough weight to was role nausea (sick of doing the role). I can think of a million times personally and professionally where I have had this and where I now see that someone else had this too.
- Detriggering secret selves. I had a pretty clear list of secret selves (when a different Tricia completely takes over and is clearly triggered). Unfairness especially for others, Opinions provided with no experience, misreading body language and any “isms” such as racism. Triggered Tricia is cut throat – super extreme direct, I’m angry/sad/mad, in fighter mode to protect (sometimes myself, sometimes others). Super honestly, I’ve always been proud of this self – and I could justify just about anything. Yet, the truth is when I’m triggered, I’m not skilled in communication/listening/etc. So I chose working on detriggering the reading body language. The key question that helped me unlock something (which is what coaching is all about) was “What does my trigger self need from my skilled self to not take over?”. With body language misreading, my skilled self has to do several things:
- Own and express the real thoughts (what was I feeling/thinking)
- Own and express that these direct questions about my face or body language cause me pain (do I need plastic surgery thoughts start going through my head)
- Ask questions about what is really happening for them? There is a reason that asked me (even if it was in a way I didn’t like. My triggered self doesn’t get there and that’s what is missed. es what is trying to emerge might not be healthy).
- The instructors: Grace and David were absolutely wonderful. They highlighted adaptions. They highlighted tools they use more frequently/less. They gave stories. They explained the why/value. Plus, Grace is a just a social justice rockstar that is truly inspiring.
What I am looking forward to more classes to dig deeper on:
- This is what I wrote from the first course.
- The cornerstone of “Reveal the system to itself”. I can fully support helping others reveal the system. I can fully support highlighting repair bids to reveal the system. I can fully support highlighting the possible unsaid/elephant in the system. What I am still not completely understanding is the impact/value of a leader potentially labeling the system and impacting the system in negative ways. For example, I asked a deeper question to the instructors. After some discussion, the instructors asked the system “what are you sensing”… words such as friction were highlighted. If I wasn’t as strong as I was, the system (being creative and intelligent) was telling me to stop asking questions. Is that healthy? Or what should leaders be doing to help the system evolve.
- I’m going to build on this for the second course:
- They covered signals in this course. Signals are information. They may or may not mean anything. So an example of use was “I notice your hands in your pockets”. I tried really hard to amplify/call out the signals during our homework coaching course. I wanted to push myself to see if there was a value that I just didn’t connect with until I tried. The result: I do notice signals. I didn’t feel like I was noticing anything more than I normally did in coaching sessions. I definitely do not place any judgement on the signals. But what I noticed was that I wanted to weave the signal naturally later vs allowing them to unpack/explore the signal right in the moment. For example, I’ll notice when someone leans in and gets quieter. I would normally never call attention to it. I would possibly lean in slightly myself. This time, I tried to reveal the system/signal: “What’s happening for you right now?” The conversation was good – they did explore a little about what made them lean in without me saying it. This was a big step for me…I don’t have to do the non-authentic part for me – of labeling or drawing attention to the action (by directly saying “I noticed you leaned in”), yet still draw attention to the moment period. So we will see where this continues to go for me.
- So I’m going to highlight a moment in the third class where I saw the power, not of the labeling but of the amplifying/giving space for the unlocking. We were doing an exercise where two people were considering each other’s perspectives (lands). One wanted to spend money now the other was worried about savings. One person started doing a motion of an infinity circle with her hand (money comes in and money flows out). The other started flowing her finger as well but I was prompted by the instructor to have them stand and amplify it. So I pushed myself and did. A truly interesting thing then happened. The savings person said I get that but I need a branch – and pointed one hand continuing the infinity with the partner and the other hand went off in the distance. The spender said – “why bother”. The saver then took the distance hand and drew another infinity circle over in the distance and the spender totally went “ahhhh”. So we can have flow today and always in the future. Maybe they would have gotten there a 100 other ways but this was huge for me to see. I didn’t have to call out their hand movements. I didn’t have to do it myself but I did need to give space for them to explore and reveal to themselves. Woot – took three classes but I got there.
What was difficult:
- Taking two classes in a row. Now it didn’t help that I had been on the road for a week already before heading into this week of classes. I was absolutely done by the last day of this course. I was tired and homesick.
- Turns out that I don’t enjoy forced dance parties either. I may be the person that will start a dance floor but the minute you tell me to dance – not into it.
All that said, I’m looking forward to the next classes to dig deeper in the reasons/data behind this model.
What did you enjoy most about ORSC Geography?