Stuck in…

I can’t remember if I saw this on social media or if someone said this to me, etc.  Yet, I’m finding that I keep thinking about this statement:

“You are not stuck in traffic.  You are the traffic.”

I keep thinking about how many times, especially in the year 2020, I’ve placed myself in victim mode.  The reality is that I contributed to where I am today but why are people so quick to forget that.  Obviously, lots of concepts such as defensive strategies, biases and even the drama triangle put a perspective on this dynamic.  However, I want to go to a simple selfish element: I’m worried about my needs.  Ugh, that even felt crappy typing but completely true.  I can apply this in traffic, I can apply this waiting in long lines at a store, and I can apply this even in an unproductive work meeting.  If I analyze this reaction, I find the biggest pattern is when I feel no control/ability to change the situation.  For example, I can’t move other people’s cars.   Yet, that’s not entirely true…I may have no control/ability to move other people’s cars but I can change the situation:  I can move myself.  I can get creative of what else I could do well sitting in traffic.  I can let go of whatever anxiety I’m building and allow what will happen.

I know, I sound dangerously zen.  Don’t worry, my type a personality will kick in.  I think my biggest takeaway from this reflection is not whether I have control/ability – I always have that…it’s whether I am being challenged by others or by myself to get creative.  When I play the victim, I’m usually by myself – no one to throw ideas off of – no one to question my quick excuse – no one to engage for moving forward.  When I’m by myself, victim is easy.  It’s why I don’t see it often at work; I’m rarely alone.

Every so often I wonder if I will ever run out of things to reflect on and learn/grow…a big fat NO is the answer.

How do you fall into victim mode?

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